


(I Can't) Look at the Stars

by hannahsoapy



Series: things I scribbled when I should've been studying [7]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Tatooine (Star Wars), but hopefully you've all watched it already
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22358521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahsoapy/pseuds/hannahsoapy
Summary: His plans had not gone much further than this.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: things I scribbled when I should've been studying [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1140392
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	1. all alone in the dark of night

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I watched Rise of Skywalker… and got inspired to write my first ever Star Wars fanfic because the end of the film made me so f***ing sad. Like, literally heartbroken. Is no one allowed to find love in the Star Wars universe nowadays? C'mon, Rogue One, Solo, now this? I just want one happy ending, okay! I mean, they're all still amazing movies, but is this too much to ask?
> 
> Ugh, sorry for the rant. Point is, I had to write a happy ending. It's not perfect but I've been sitting on it for like a month and need to just post it before I tweak it to death. Don't worry, there is a chapter two, and it will be posted within a few days of this one. Enjoy :)

.

.

.

Ben dragged himself up out of the chasm, only to see Rey's body slumped lifelessly on the ground. His mind and soul protested loudly at the sight, and despite his injuries he limped and crawled his way to her side and rested his hand on her cold skin.

 _No_ , he thought desperately. This could not be the end.

He had heard the last of her fight with Palpatine as he pulled his shattered body out of the pit, but this was almost the worst outcome he could have imagined.

Above them, the Resistance was finishing off the fleet. The free peoples of the galaxy had won, but Ben could feel the Force, still crying out.

He had always been dangerously attuned to it. He'd felt it all his life, and while it had allowed the Dark side to influence him when he was young, now, sitting next to Rey, he felt all of the Light protesting her death along with him.

He gathered her up in his arms, closed his eyes and reached out. He was weak, but still he fed Rey a steady stream of the Force, begging it all the while: _please, take mine, give it to her, please, please…_

He felt it like a bolt of force-lightning when her heart began to sluggishly beat again. She did not stir, but her skin was flush with life, and Ben felt as overjoyed as if she had stood and danced an Endorian jig. He smiled and laughed weakly, ignoring the pain of his cracked and bruised ribs.

It was over, he thought. Any moment, and he'd fade into the Force, join his mother, his uncle, his grandfather –

But he didn't. He breathed another breath, and another. The Force had spared him. It was far more than he deserved, he knew.

"Thank you," he said quietly, and the Force gave a satisfied hum. He stared down at Rey, resting in his arms and wondered what he should do.

His plans had not gone much further than destroying Palpatine and ensuring Rey's survival, and now he had accomplished both of those things.

His parents were dead and his former empire demolished in the sky above him. He had nowhere to go, and he had not exactly made friends he could run to during his time with the New Order.

He stared up at the falling fleet of fiery Star Destroyers and wondered what in the galaxy he was supposed to do now.

As he watched, a ship broke away from the rest, making a long, calculated descent downwards.

He'd recognize the Falcon anywhere.

He knew he had to leave now. Kylo Ren was dead, but that would mean nothing to the Resistance. Perhaps his mother would have cared that her son was back, but no one else would show him mercy, except, perhaps… her.

But Ben was nowhere near optimistic enough to hope that she could get him absolution in the eyes of the entire galaxy, and he wouldn't put that task on her. She would take it on without him even asking, he was sure, but neither of them deserved the consequences.

He looked down at Rey one last time, and carefully shifted her off his lap. He rose slowly, and staggered away, mind focused on only on getting away before her friends arrived. He made it, barely, reaching an alcove in the rock and sliding to the ground just as several sets of footsteps (and the distinctive rolling noise of that damned BB-model droid) rushed into the throne room.

Slumped against the wall, he could not see her, but he heard her awaken, greet her friends – breathlessly, joyfully – and then ask, like a saber to his chest: "Did you see B – Kylo Ren?"

Their answers were all to the negative, of course, and then she spoke again.

"Oh," she said. "P-Palpatine threw him, but I hoped, maybe…"

It was the last he heard before his exhaustion overwhelmed him, blackness sweeping down like an impenetrable curtain.

* * *

When he awoke and made his way out at last, on broken bones and a fractured heart, his ship was still there waiting, somehow intact in the sea of downed starships and debris. He paused for only a moment, and then walked past it, to the old battered X-wing that had also been left behind.

The controls were as familiar and easy as they had been so long ago, when he'd learned to fly it the first time.

He knew where to go now.

* * *

It was easy to see the old Skywalker wind farm from the top of the hills; the flat desert plain hid nothing. He saw her arrive on the speeder, and slide down into the sand-covered home. She emerged some minutes later, holding something, which she buried in the sand.

He had never been so tempted to reactivate their Force bond as at that very moment. It was still there, plaguing him constantly on the edge of his consciousness.

He shook his head, dismissing the pull of it. It had been almost a month, and she thought him dead.

She wasn't for him; she belonged out there, up with the stars.

Down on the desert floor, she pulled something off her belt, and flicked it on.

The gold of the lightsaber shone so bright as to compete with that of the twin suns setting in the sky before her.

Ben smiled at the picture she made – she was a golden ray of light – and retreated, down into his home once more.

He did not look back.


	2. followed your ashes into outer space

Rey extinguished her lightsaber, and swung her eyes up to the hills.

She was sure it was him, causing those faintest of ripples in the Force.

It had been impossible to tell if he was still alive, on Exegol, after the battle. She was so weak, in body, mind, and soul. She couldn’t reach out to him.

Later, she’d tried, but gotten no answer, and then she had – briefly – feared the worst. The rest of the galaxy assumed that he was dead, but she hung on to one thing: even if she got no response from the other side, their Force bond was still _there_.

She did not believe the Force dealt in coincidences.

With confidence, she followed the trail into the hills, unable to explain to BB-8’s questioning beeps what she could feel. They walked for a long time; Ben had hidden himself well, and Rey had to push herself to find the trace of him she'd felt before.

She wasn’t subtle about it, though, and she worried that he would try to avoid her.

But she needn’t have worried. Apparently, he’d decided he was done running from her.

She rounded a corner, and there he was, sitting with all the appearance of calm on a red rock, facing away from her.

“Ben,” she said, and she saw his muscles tense beneath his shirt, but he said nothing.

“It’s good to see you.”

That seemed to crack him.

“Why?” he asked, still not turning to look at her.

Rey opened her mouth, and then found that her words would not come. She stared at Ben’s profile, helplessly, and watched his shoulders drop, his head bow – and then she snapped.

She reached into her side of the bond and tore it wide open. She poured everything she couldn’t say into it, left her mind bare.

He was looking at her now, breathing harshly. The world didn’t exist outside of the two of them anymore.

As slowly as she had been sudden, he opened his side of the bond and let her in.

And she saw everything.

They had never exchanged so much of themselves at once before. Rey felt tears gathering at the onslaught, and she saw that Ben was equally affected, as the bond gladly thrummed into fullness with devastating euphoria.

“You’re an idiot,” she said, as soon as the tight feeling had left her throat.

“You’ll have to be more specific.”

She felt his wry amusement echoing down the bond, and she wanted to strangle him. And kiss him.

“You could have told me. After Snoke.”

“It was only a suspicion at that point,” he said, shaking his head. “You wouldn’t have believed me, and you were too… open.”

He wasn’t wrong. Luke had trained her well, but she hadn’t learned how to allow the Force to truly calm and hide her mind until Leia took over her training. If Ben had told her that he thought Palpatine was alive and that he intended to find him and kill him, she would have given them away. Her grandfather would have read her mind like an open book.

But Rey hated giving in so easily.

“You don’t know that,” she said, stubbornly. “You would have helped me.”

He gave her a smile, fleetingly, and as soon as it was gone she wanted to chase it down and put it back there forever. He must have felt the sentiment, across the bond, because his brow wrinkled again.

“Why?” he asked again, so quietly she only heard it with the Force.

Rey didn’t understand. What was there to question? The bond was open. He knew what she felt, and that it was given freely. She didn’t see – oh.

“You’re an idiot,” Rey said, again.

The confusion stayed on his face when she moved to stand next to where he sat, turned into surprise when her hand came up to cup his cheek, and then Rey didn’t care for anything his face did except for the movement of his lips against hers.

“This is foolish,” he whispered, somewhere in between gentle kisses.

“I don’t care,” she whispered back.

He pulled away, at that, and Rey felt him reach into the bond, hesitantly searching her out. She didn’t move, waiting for him to find what was true. She knew he’d found it when he gazed up at her with wide eyes.

“You –,“ his voice cracked, and he paused to clear his throat, “you love me.”

Rey wanted to laugh, but she smiled instead.

“Yeah, I know,” she said, her voice behaving as well as his had a moment ago.

The smile that had run away from his face came back, and he laughed, quiet and low, sending shivers through her.

He looped an arm around her waist, and pulled her into his lips again, his response coming through their bond.

_I love you._

She’d known that, too.


End file.
